One small step

So today was better than yesterday! Even though I had anxiety, i still managed to go to work for three hours. Thanks alot to my mum who drove me up and stayed with me for a few minutes till i felt 'comfortable'!  I dont know how i would be able to go on with life if it wasnt for the support i have from family and friends. Especially a small group of friends i made through a support group on facebook. They are from all over Canada, England, America & Germany.... they have become great friends to me and i adore them and love them. Ive heard all the dangers of meeting people online but ive gotten to know these four ladies so well even becoming penpals with them (oh good old snail mail!). One of them even woke up early there time so she couldnt come online and check how i was today. Ive never meet these girls face to face but they are my family and they mean the world to me. One thing in my opinion for anyone going through depression, anxiety or just any dramas or upsets.... is to talk! Talking helps me so much! i can get my frustrations out and get comfort and especially talking to someone who has the same problems and who just know what its like and you dont need to explain why you are thinking or feeling something. Talking makes me feel like im not alone, and i can let things out. A problem shared is a problem halved..... isnt that the quote! I think its right anyway.

So i want to take some time to describe my anxiety. When it first started i just felt sickish all the time like nausea and feeling like i needed the toilet... especially when i went out. I didnt know what was going on so i went to the doctor and had blood tests and all these tests and the doctor just pretty much said to me that there was nothing he could find and that was that. It wasnt until i went to another doctor and he asked me the simple question of "how are you feeling?" and i just broke down. I cried and cried and told me that everything seemed hard and i didnt know why. Ive since been on medication and councelling. Which im starting again... unfortunatley one bad thing about depression is its like a bloody rollercoaster! You feel better, than it hits you again, than things get better.... but ive been down twice now and im not going again!

So my anxiety symptoms, just incase anyone is reading this blog and thinks they might have it. I dont even know if anyone is reading this but if i can help even one person through using this to help myself ill be happy.

Symptoms:
- shaking
- tapping feet
-rubbing (i rub the palms of my hands with my fingers... ive since been given like rubbing stones and special magnet thingys that they give to people trying to quit smoking so they have something to keep there hands busy)
- shortness of breath
- feels like my hearts either racing or skipping beats. sometimes i think im having a heart attack.
- headaches
-nausea
-feeling sick in the tummy (like extreme butterflies)

I think the worst part of my anxiety at the moment is that im getting anxiety over worrying that i might have a panic attack. If that makes sense.... i worry when i know things are coming up because i think that i might struggle. When i have no warning about things its surprising how much lower my anxieties are. If i could just wake up and someone says hey lets do this and we go straight away i seem to be fairly okay. Its when someone says like lets do this next thursday and from probably monday onwards im thinking about something coming up and worrying about how i will handle things.